Just Start

March 4, 2020

I decided to start writing again on 1/17/18 for the first time in 6 years. I had stopped in 2012 after struggling through the loss of my mom and entering a season of depression. By 2018 I had experienced so much healing and felt like it was time to start writing again. Here is a look into that first journal entry from my comeback.

“I’ve been meaning for this to happen for a while now. To actually sit down and start writing again. I’ve been trying to figure out what has taken me so long and I think it has less to do with the actual writing and sharing and has more to do with not knowing where to even begin.

You see, so much has happened since I last wrote on this blog. Over 5 years of things actually. Some really good things and a lot of really hard things.

Do I start at the beginning? Do I go in a certain order? What’s the most important? Should there be a method to my madness? What is my writing style? Does there need to be a theme? So many questions. And most of them not really all that important. But the thing I keep coming back to is: just start. 

So here I am, starting. Not having any clue where I am going but starting anyway. Knowing that my words will be imperfect and flawed (if grammar mistakes drive you crazy consider this my advanced apology) but sharing them anyway because the one thing I know is that I don’t want to waste one ounce of my pain. And I believe that God has given all of us a story and it is worth sharing. And when we get real and vulnerable it opens the door for other people to do the same. And we all end up feeling a little less alone. Because let’s face it, we are all messes just trying to figure out this thing called life.

Like I said before I don’t know for sure where this is heading but my plan is to share about grief/loss, relationships (because I just love them so much), depression (ugh I hate that word but the struggle was so real) and how to practically live out your faith. I’m never going to claim to be an expert about any of it. And trust me I don’t have it all figured out. However, I do believe we walk through things to encourage people on the other side. And the lessons we learn aren’t meant just for us.

And with that I’ll leave you with a short story:

A few months ago, while away on a women’s retreat with my church, I asked the Lord for a new verse to go with what felt like a completely brand new season. And He reminded me of a verse a friend had written in my journal over 5 years ago. When I got home and tracked down the journal, this is the verse that was waiting for me. It couldn’t have been more perfect. And I’m sure you will see in posts to come, just how close I was to settling in silence for good. But I’m so thankful God had other plans.

And so, here we are again, with so many questions but determined to no longer settle in silence.”

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