The Words I Never Wanted To Hear

February 26, 2020

On Monday, July 9th, 2012, I heard the words I had hopped I was never going to have to hear again. 

“Your mom’s cancer is back”.

In that moment, my heart sank and as the tears began large parts of me wanted to panic and get angry. But then I felt it stronger than I had ever felt it before…there was peace. I can not exactly explain it but I knew I felt it. I truly understood what peace that passes all understanding meant.

No I did not like this news. In fact, I hated it. No part of me wanted my mom to have to walk this road again. However, the reality was that no amount of me complaining or wishing it was not happening was going to change anything. So I began to declare that even in this the Lord was faithful.

I had been declaring for months that no matter what we face in this life, He is faithful. And that what the Bible says is true, we really can count it all joy. I felt like the Lord was asking me if I would still believe that’s true even when things got really hard? And would I still sing His praises even while watching my mom battle cancer?

The answer to both those questions is yes.

He is still faithful and I still believe with every part of me that He is going to take this awful situation and use it for His good. 

I feel like I am getting a front row view to His goodness and His faithfulness and I am honored. He has already been coming through and providing so much strength for my family. His strength really is made perfect in weakness.

I see His hand so clearly even in how He has been preparing us to hear this news. He has also provided a support system, who I know are all tirelessly, lifting my family up in prayer. He also has been having me pray for months and months for my mom’s healing, even when I did not always completely understand it. Of course now it makes so much more sense.

He has promised me her complete and total healing and this does not change anything. In fact, I think He wanted to throw cancer into the mix so He could come through in an even greater way. The Lord will always keep His promises, so I know she will be healed.

God is good, even in this He is good! I see glimpses of the end of this and I know He is going to use this to stretch and grow all of our faiths’. And it is not just going to stop with my family. He is going to use this testimony of His faithfulness to radically change so many other people’s lives as well. 

I wish I could be the one that is going through this instead of my mom, but for whatever reason that is just not the way the Lord designed it. But as a family we will walk this road together, for the other lives that are going to be forever changed. 

The Lord has been so amazing in bringing us to this point and I know He is not just going to walk away and leave us now. So in faith I will keep singing, You are faithful, God you are faithful!

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