When I started writing the “about me” for my website I realized there were so many things I wanted to tell you. You’ll pretty quickly learn I love the details. Like tell me the whole story and don’t leave anything out type stuff. But I’ve realized everyone doesn’t share my same passion for over-sharing so I kept the about me short and sweet and decided to fill you in a little more here!
That’s why I’ve titled this “the rest of the story”. It’s a more in depth dive into how I got where I am today. Don’t worry I know telling you everything would be an entirely too long post but I’m hoping this still gives you some good insight.
If you have no idea what I am even talking about you can find the appetizer (your girl loves food) to this post HERE.
First you need to know…I grew up in a Christian home and have attended church basically my entire life. I never asked but I’m guessing the moment my mom felt comfortable doing so she brought me to church with her. So many of my early memories happened at church. If there was an event going on at church we were there for it. And to be honest I loved it. All of my friends were at church too and some of my favorite childhood memories took place at church or on church trips.
Because of all my time spent in church I fell in love with Jesus and for most of my life I loved Him with my whole heart. From a young age on I was able to hold on to this innocence and child-like faith and I couldn’t ever imagine that changing. Sure there were some difficulties in high school and college (and a few broken hearts) but everything always seemed to work out the way it should. I don’t remember ever doubting how much God loved me or that He had a plan for my life.
But then when I was 27 my mom passed away and I was left questioning every foundation I stood on. My mind couldn’t make sense of such a tragedy and never before had it been so clear my prayers weren’t answered. About a year after my mom passed another dating relationship ended and at that point I really started to wonder if God was really the good God I had always thought He was. It wasn’t like my thoughts just changed immediately but over time the doubts started to creep in. Eventually I began to feel abandoned and forgotten since all I had ever wanted was to get married.
I felt ashamed and embarrassed for doubting God’s goodness, especially since I was the girl who had always loved telling people how amazing following Christ was. I believed the lie that someone like me shouldn’t have any doubts. I thought all my years in church meant I was just supposed to know God was good even though I wasn’t sure anymore that He was. So, I kept all of my questions to myself and tried to bury them as deep as possible. I sat in silence for so long I eventually found myself in the middle of a depression. I just couldn’t find good in any of it anymore. This season was long and hard since I was still so afraid to tell anyone the truth
about what was really going on in my heart.
I can’t explain it and I have no idea why, but somehow in the middle of all my mess God came for me. He began to teach me all over again who He was and how much He loved me. He also led me to all the right spaces and people where I felt safe to admit what was really going on. Being honest with myself, God and those around me changed everything and over time all the sadness and heaviness began to fade away. I know now more than ever that my faith is what has carried me through all the tough times. Jesus is the only reason I am standing here today experiencing fullness of joy and freedom. Because of that it has become my life goal to help others see God’s goodness even during the most difficult times. Like I said in my “about me” I will never promise to have all the answers, but I promise I will always point you to Jesus because He is the one who does.
As you can probably tell, this is just the cliff notes version of the story. There is so much more I want to tell you and I can’t wait to fill you in! I hope you come back to hear about all of it and that we are able to find encouragement and hope in each other’s stories.
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